Before the beginning - Rukia's side story
by Mena Saber
Summary: Side story of before the beginning. A new change that made Rukia stop and have a moment of reminiscence. Let's see where her memory takes her.


It was warm, and comfortable. That was the first thought that came to Rukia's still sleeping mind.

For the last eight months, Rukia was used to having horrible mornings. Every. Fucking. Morning. At least the form of annoyance was variable, thank god.

At first, there were those so called "morning sickness", vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, loss of appetite and the horrible cravings. Till now, she could never fathom how she ended up eating fish with marshmallow. Yikes.

Later on, it became the mood swings. The people around her, mostly her squad subordinates, were pulling their hair from frustration. Seriously, nothing appeased the woman.

Currently, it became heaviness. She felt as if she were a big, heavy bowling ball that has a hard time rolling over on the floor. Her back was killing her. Her feet were so swollen that she imagined them like water balloons and even feared they might pop if they were hit by a sharp edge or something. She felt like doing nothing but mope all day about how terrible she looked like.

All in all, pregnancy sucked for Rukia. But if she was asked if she had the choice, would she still go with being pregnant. The answer would be yes.

For all the trouble and demirts of being pregnant, Rukia would still wish to go with pregnancy. She would even think of doing it thousand times, even.

There are several reasons for her choice, actually.

First, she is already in love with the baby, **her ** baby. She can't wait to meet the little troublemaker, the little _life_ that is growing up inside her. And just thinking about having children of her own, makes everything seem worthwhile and rewarding.

Second, her duty towards the Kuchiki. She decided to shoulder the duty of producing an heir to the clan. As an adopted member, her expected role was only to be wed into another noble clan to form a new alliance or solidify an old one. However, because the current head of the clan, Kuchiki Byakuya, refuses to remarry, the duty of producing an heir became hers. She volunteered for it, afterall, she did wish to give her nii-sama his freedom to remain loyal to his late wife, Hisana, her sister.

The last and most important reason, Renji. Her lover. Her husband. Her whole life. Her past, present and her future. Just the thought of carrying a piece of him inside her, **his** child, was more than enough for her to want it thousand times. She really does consider carrying thousands of his children, you know.

When she first realized that she was in love with him, she only had one thought, ' I want to make him happy'.

When they were getting married, he told her he was the happiest man alive, or dead, or whatever. In her mind, she only thought in response ' I will make sure we become even more happier'.

When he first knew that she was pregnant, Rukia thought ' Now that is what can be called him happy'. Seriously, the man was just so simple that the slightest thing could make him claim he was happy. But something of this scale, he is **definitely **happy. He even cried.

So thinking of his happy face was Rukia's way of coping with these uncomfortable conditions of her pregnancy. However, deep down Rukia knew that she wasn't going through all of this alone.

It's true that she was the one carrying the baby. And she was the one who could barely move an inch without the additional constant ache in every part of her body. Seriously, who could have ever imagined that something as natural as breathing could be this tiring?!. But Renji was with her, every step on the way.

When she had her morning sickness, he would always wake up with her, hold her long hair out of the way, and even cook her food that she didn't need to gag when smelling it or didn't throw it up right away.

He was very patient with her. He did all her biddings without a second thought. No matter how much she complained, he would apologise and redo whatever she asked him to do. Always checking in the end if she was content or needed anything else. She sometimes even pretended to be angry at something or another just to see him looking at her with affection. Was he a mascot or what?! She knew she was making things harder for him, but she couldn't help it. Can anyone hate seeing the big, scary Renji with that soft and loving gaze he always had for her? If anyone was in her shoes, they would understand. Not like she would let anyone in her shoes really, Renji was **hers** alone.

This morning is a proof. When she looked around her, she was alone in their bed, with hot water sacs; definitely to ease her aching back. A very delicious smell filled her nose, making her mouth watery, a silent promise of a wonderful breakfast. Her robes were hanged neatly, clean and fresh for the day. A glass of lemoned water, per captain Kiyone's instructions, ready for her use. And it was Renji's doing. His way of sharing her this precious experience. He told her once that he knew very well that as a man, he could never truly feel what she was going through while carrying his child, but at the very least he could elevate some of her pain and discomfort or when it got even harder, he would be there for her, to give her emotional support and to witness how great she was. Who would have thought that Renji can be this sweet and considerate?!

After she got up (which took her some effort, mind you) she drank her water, dressed in her robes, she went to their living room that joined their open kitchen in the dining area. She found that indeed Renji was making breakfast while humming a song that she didn't know.

When he noticed her, it felt as if the sun had risen all over again, **her** sun that is. He had this warm and gentle smile adorning his face, and in a voice that almost sounded melodic (how she didn't know, it was Renji's voice for fuck's sake) he said:" Good morning, my love. The table would be ready in a second". Ever since they got married, he started calling her 'love' when they were alone. She didn't tell him before that every time he calls her that, she falls for him all over again.

Once he said those words, he took her breathe away. Wasn't it enough that his child was already compressing her lungs, making it hard to breath. Now he comes and steals her breathe away. Was he trying to kill her or what? And let's not forget the part of increased heart rate. She was really wondering how she was still alive!

In the end, she decided to busy herself with something other than swooning all over him, she still wanted to live, thank you very much. So what caught her eyes was a stack of paper, a very similar stack of paper. Before she could even ask, Renji was already explaining the presence of the stack, did he grow superpowers that enable him to read minds or what! "I already talked with captain Kuchiki about having an extended leave from my duties; so I could stay with you for the rest of the pregnancy duration" he said while putting the dishes on the dining table. "We agreed that I would only help with paperwork since we have the paperwork of both the 6th and 13th divisions. Rikichi would come every morning to bring the paperwork and retrieve it at night. And no I don't read minds." . See, him saying that only proves it, he was able to read her mind.

Rukia was taken aback for several reasons. Other than the fact that Renji now could read minds, the fact that he would make this arrangement with her nii-sama for her sake, and the fact that her nii-sama agreed made her so.. touched that they would go so far for her and her child's sake.

Renji took her out of her thoughts when he crouched to her level, hugged her, and started rubbing her back and neck in a circular motion. His smell, his touch, his breathe on her neck, his kisses on her shoulder, everything that is Renji filled her senses. Filled her mind with nothing but thoughts about him and his child. Filled her heart with warmth, adoration and affection. Filled her with love.

In that moment a tiny movement made itself apparent. The baby decided to make a distinct kick towards his father, in a way of greeting. Both future parents looked at each other, a tender smile on their lips, one hand of each reached towards the source of kicking to gently pat it. Renji decided to break eye contact with Rukia to place a soft, warm kiss to her forehead.

Rukia was sure that, with every passing second in her pregnancy, she would have never been able to go on and bear up with the pregnancy, if it hadn't been for _Renji_.

_It was a warm memory, stored in her heart as a reminder of how much she loved the man. However, that warm memory now acted as a harsh stab in her heart, mocking her, killing her, making her hate what she had once wished for, even prayed for. She couldn't do it. _

_Rukia was a mess, she knew, afterall, he wasn't there. She couldn't imagine herself going through all of that alone. She just, couldn't. How could she imagine herself a single mother? She couldn't. No, she refused to even imagine it. She had hoped to carry more of his children inside her, but it never occurred to her the thought of carrying them alone, without him by herside._

_She felt herself sinking in the pit of despair. The child that came to meet and love her father was suffering from losing him and even had her life in danger. While the other, the one she was carrying, wouldn't be given the chance of meeting his father, and its life was in danger; no thanks to her state of despair and all the mess that was happening. But despite all of that, she couldn't help but grieve. She was worried about her children, yet she felt she could do nothing for them, to protect them, or even assure them that everything would be ok. She didn't feel like that, so how could she make her children feel it?_

_Orihime discovered her pregnancy, tried to placate her, but to no vail. Orihime was right of course, if their family already lost one (which till this point was not confirmed, don't jinx it and think positively) then they shouldn't lose more. Rukia had Orihime promise her not to tell anyone of her pregnancy. Orihime wanted to object (you shouldn't fight, it was dangerous on both you and the baby) but gave up on the end, under the condition of Rukia telling everyone about it herself when things started to get out of hands. Otherwise, Orihime would tell on her. That was the best that Rukia could hope to get from the other woman, but it would have to do, for now._

"_Renji, love! Please be safe and get back to me. To our children. Please!". That was the only thing Rukia could do now, praying to the sky, and hoping that her prayers would come true, if not for her, then for her children: Ichika and her still unborn child._

**Hi, guys! This a new story. Hope u like it. Please read, support and review ; I'd like to know what you think of what I'm writing.**

**Thanks in advance X)...**


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